Thursday, February 12, 2009

Is the Man Shortage THAT Bad?

Strange Bedfellows

Look at this 1969 ad for Armstrong tires. The comely-looking sister is snuggled up in the bed with a tire. She is disturbed.

You wonder how this affair began. Was she getting the mail one day and spotted the tire rolling down the street by itself and figured "..hey baby"? Or maybe it's a steel-belted tire, and she's cheating on the dedicated but worn-down bias ply tire she already has.

Or maybe she's married to an actual guy. Let's call him "Bill" and, well...

"Bill, as your friend, I must tell you: Sondra IS seeing someone else...but its not what you think."
"What is it, Man? All she's been talking about is how she's found someone new; someone who keeps her safe. Someone she can depend on. Someone who doesn't ask for much--"
"I know..and 'someone she can roll with'..We've discussed this before, Bill. But I peeped in the window of your house today, Bill. I saw who she's been messing around with. The loose lugnuts you keep finding in your driveway...that ain't by chance. This Mr. Armstrong you're hearing about is no man, Bill."
"I know he's no man...seeing my wife...shame on him."
"You don't understand, Bill. Mr. Armstrong....he's a tire, Bill. A TIRE!"
(music: daah--daaah..DAAAAAAH)

Pirelli bought out Armstrong Tires back in 1989. My car has Pirellis. And I like em. But not this much.

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